Monday, May 2, 2011

Rot in Hell you bastard!

An obituary to read with great pleasure:

Osama Bin Laden, founder and leader of the infamous organization al-Qaeda, was killed this past week in Pakistan. He was 54. According to reports, the Islamic terrorist jihadist extremist was hunted down and cornered in a massive compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan. A bit ironic, figuring the United States has been expunging Afghani caves and hillsides from the face of the earth for the past 10 years. Regardless, it was a much need victory for the United States and the rest of the Infidels worldwide.

According to reports, Bin Laden was killed in a massive 40+ minute firefight when he refused to give himself up. It is unknown how many bullets ripped through his body, but the lump of human pulp that remained had to be DNA tested to confirm that it was indeed Bin Laden. It is hoped for by many that his death was slow and extremely painful.

Three other men, [one of whom is believed to be Bin Laden's son] and one woman were killed in the stand off. According to officials, the woman killed was reportedly used as a human shield by one of the men. A cowardly act for sure, but when you compare it to being whipped until you bleed out or stoned to death, its a pretty preferable way out.

Bin Laden will be sorely missed by Pakistan officials and many Islam extremists, who are no doubt planning to avenge their leader's death in high fashion. Reactions are mixed, but many jihadists are comforted by the fact that Bin Laden will be greeted in paradise by thousands of servants and many, many big breasted virgins.

Meanwhile, Infidels all around the world celebrated by singing their national anthems, waving their country's flag, mocking the Islam brotherhood, and playing Call of Duty 4 well into the night.

Bin Laden will be surely remembered around the world for gracing distinguished lists of all kinds, but sources close to the Bin Laden camp say that he was most proud of being #1 on the list of the FBI's Top 10 Terrorists list 14 years running. "...quite an accomplishment when you take into account how many evil bastards there are in this world."

Scientists say his body, used as chum and dumped out at sea, will feed a few blue sharks who will most likely combust into a flame of evil as soon as ingested.

Bin Laden's death will no doubt fuel the next movement in Al-Qaeda's regime, but that is welcomed news to one of the Infidels that was a part of Bin Laden's take down. "I can't wait to kill the next smear of human excrement that comes along," he said. "Bring it. Killing Bin Laden was awesome."

My favorite headline of the day.

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